So I was going through some things yesterday. I have an ongoing desire to reduce, reduce, reduce. just to get rid of stuff, all the shit I’ve gathered in my life. It’s that desire and probably some empty nest syndrome at play.
I started going through my drawer full of archives. I quickly realized how much material I actually have. At one time in my life I would say all of this is pure gold. I would say I hit the motherload!
But as the pile on my desk grew I didn’t have that feeling. I had the feeling it was just a bunch of “stuff”. There was an urge somewhere in a part of me to throw it all away. But after that feeling came and went, I then had some tremendous guilt for feeling that way. How can i do that? This is years of study and work. And not only my work but MJ’s decades of study, Evelyn’s years of diligent note taking and archiving.
In one sense I’ve always felt an obligation to pass this along, to make sure this doesn’t get lost. It’s been a pretty heavy weight for quite some time. MJ entrusted me with this priceless material. But is it really priceless? Or is it just stuff? Did I really need to work through all of the details to realize those details mean nothing?
Would it be proper of me, prudent of me, kind of me; would it be “right” of me to pass along all of these details and facts to someone else, to make them go through all of this work, years of study to realize that it’s all meaningless stuff.
In the end I guess all of this, the years of study, the mountain of material. It’s all just something I needed to go through. I needed to work through all these details and facts to get to where I am right now. There should be no shame in that. And there are others that may need to do the very same thing. And I will be here for them if and when they come calling. But there are also those that are quicker to know, to understand that all of this is a part of the dream.
The true Self needs none of this. never has and never will.